It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
