i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
