I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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