They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize