i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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