Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
