You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
