I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I understand Curling. That high.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
