I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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