We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
