im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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