did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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