cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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