he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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