Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
