dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize