Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
