Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
PANTIES FOUND
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