Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
