Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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