Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize