I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
