So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
