I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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