Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
