I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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