I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize