He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize