There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
