I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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