The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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