was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
