I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
