Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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