you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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