It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize