And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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