i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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