he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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