I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
