He uses pillows to masturbate.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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