and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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