we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
