SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
