Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
