god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
