You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
