I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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