i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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