oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
