WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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