I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We are two peas in an std pod
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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