so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
