you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
