i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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