singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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