I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
