wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
