do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Terrible idea I love it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
