i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
