Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
