Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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