the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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