Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
