She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
