Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
