the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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