I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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