guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
