in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize