you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
