Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
