i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
