Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
