And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
