everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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