Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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