epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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