It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize