the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
