I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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