I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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