Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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