You're completely useless in the revolution.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
