I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
