The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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