I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
