Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
