Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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