omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
